can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
