I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
