Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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