her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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