Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
