WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
