Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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