...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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