No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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