Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
