I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pants are for mortals
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