You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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