Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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