I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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