You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize