it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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