Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
