My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your penis caused this!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
