Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize