So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
