Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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