I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
