she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
