dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's rum buckets o'clock
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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