I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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