i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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