I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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