hell yes lets make some ravioli
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
