I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
