i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
