it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.