when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism