my mouth tastes like poor choices
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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