In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
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heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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