Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
