You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i came on her dog
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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