You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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