Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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