dude i'm inner monologue high
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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