We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
