In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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