Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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