Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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