cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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