I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
