so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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