if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
