Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
