she woke up with a sticky ear
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
