the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
