There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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