he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
