So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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