i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
