I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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