Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds