I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.