Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.