we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow