awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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