bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
