You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
