So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
