my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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