i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
